Gambling Jokes – Have an Ace for Every Occasion
Do you find yourself on a poker table, surrounded by Kevin Heart, Cristiano Ronaldo, and Daniel Negreanu, and you have run out of gambling jokes? Or do you simply want to be the funniest person on the table? Then, you have come to the right place as we have prepared a great selection of the funniest gambling jokes, just for you! We cannot let Mr Heart be the only comedian on the table!
Anyhow, before we begin with the jokes, we would like to address a few things. First and foremost, we want to highlight the fact that this blog post was written with a lot of love and laughter, and we have no intention of making fun of mocking people with gambling addiction. In fact, we always stress the importance of taking gambling responsibly, and we strive to bring awareness to all of our readers. That said, let’s begin with the fun stuff!
One Liner Gambling Jokes – Be the Dealer of Humor
Let us start our blog post strong and introduce you to a few great and easy to use gambling jokes one liners. The one-liner gambling jokes are, perhaps, some of the easiest to use means of humour. They do not require a build-up, and you can say them at any given point.
In fact, the one-liner gambling jokes are a great pick-up line for any conversation, regardless of if you are dropping them at work, on the poker table, in the kitchen, or on the live chat of any of the best online UK casinos. Well, if you approach a random person at the bus stop and tell him a one-liner out of nowhere, he might be a bit confused, maybe even scared. Anyway, here are our picks:
- I got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.
- I am going to an ABBA-themed poker night. The winner takes it all.
- A friend keeps insisting on skipping through flower meadows. I think he has a gamboling problem.
- I was walking down the road earlier, and I tripped over a sign from the local betting shop. What are the odds of that?
- I make a bet with a local farmer each year as to which lamb will jump highest. I like a gambol.
- I bet on a horse at 10-1. It didn’t come in until half-past three.
- I lost my money betting with one of the big cats at the zoo. I think he was a cheetah.
- I took a gamble and bought a small boat without seeing it first. It was a punt.
- I did well at strip poker the other night. I played my socks off.
- I gambled on a giraffe race the other day. Mine came second. Lost by a neck. It was nowhere near.
- A midget chef had to quit his job at a casino. He said the steaks were too high.
Question-and-Answer Gambling Jokes
We hope that you enjoyed reading through those one-liner jokes on gambling; you can give a go of the new live dealer casinos and try them for yourself. We personally had a lot of fun gathering them. Anyhow, imagine this situation; a few days ago, you had a great gaming session at one of the best online real money roulette casinos and now you want to experience the brick-and-mortar deal.
You enter the facility of a trusted and licensed operator and gather around a roulette table. You see all kinds of players there- some chatty, others not so much. You decide not to spend your game time in silence and approach somebody that looks the opposite of that school bully that would eat your lunch. What would you do to break off the ice?
Perhaps, you could pull off a one-liner, but do you know what is even better for such situations? We guarantee you that if you open with a question-and-answer gambling joke, you will become the stand-up comedian of the room. What is amazing about the question-and-answer type of jokes is that listeners will get way more engaged if said with proper tone and pauses. But before we reach that scenario, how about we laugh a bit now with a careful selection of question-and-answers gambling jokes?
- Why are large maps rubbish at playing poker? They always fold.
- Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino? He was caught counting carbs.
- Did you hear they arrested a T-Rex after he was hired at the casino? He turned out to be a small arms dealer.
- What’s it called when a couple of cows are playing poker in a penthouse casino? High Steaks.
- What do you call an iguana who runs a casino? The lizard of odds.
- Why aren’t there any casinos in Africa? Because there are too many cheetahs.
- What do you call a professional poker player who broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
- Why is gambling illegal in China? Because they hate Tibet.
- What did the gambling addicts name their daughter? Betty
Famous Casino Puns
We hope that you liked the question-and-answer jokes on gambling. But who doesn’t love them really? Anyhow, if you are planning to turn the upcoming table conversation into a monologue and prevent the other boring folk from the chance of ruining the mood with their sense of humour, we got to supply you with even more jokes. For that reason, in this paragraph, we will present you with a few extra gambling puns that work nearly every time.
- I am an accountant for Hallmark. They throw me out of casinos because I am a professional card counter.
- I played poker at a casino that was out of toilet paper. I had s***ty hands for the rest of the night.
- A queen was caught gambling. She had a royal flush.
- What do you call someone greater at gambling than you? A better better.
- My friend’s gambling is getting out of hand. He just bet his newborn son in our game of poker.
Gambling Addiction Puns
Following onto the last pun, in this section of our blog post, we will show some love and recognition to those who are addicted to gambling. Of course, people who struggle with gambling addiction should be supported and treated with care and respect so they can roll the dice against their addiction and win. Nevertheless, those gambling jokes are lots of fun, and you should still use them if possible.
- I used to have a horrible gambling addiction, but I wager I’ll never gamble again.
- What does a gambling addict call heaven? Pair-a-dice.
- Why did the necromancer with a gambling addiction get kicked out of the slaughterhouse? He kept raising the steaks.
- Gambling has really helped me get back on my feet because I lost my car in poker last night.
- Judge to a carpenter: “You were arrested during a drug bust in a gambling den. What were you doing there?” The carpenter: “Making a bolt for the door, your honour.”
Telling Gambling Stories
We have armed you with plenty of “weapons of mass destruction”, for good or bad, and we hope that you will use them wisely. That said, we advise you to adhere to the online gambling laws and restrain yourself from sharing those nuggets of joy with children, as underaged gambling is strictly illegal.
With the fear that we are focusing on our jokes about gambling blog posts astray, let us fix things up. For that reason, in this section of the article, we will introduce you to some exciting and really funny gambling stories. Of course, each one of them is made with lots of love and extra gambling jokes.
Driving Expensive Vehicles
After coming back from Las Vegas, Adam told James that the slot machines are easy to win big at. He said he went to Las Vegas in a $10,000 Ford Fiesta and came back in a $400,000 Lamborgini.
Respectively, James thought: “I’m going to get in on that.” So, he left for Vegas in his $30,000 Toyota. Later, he came back in an $800,000 vehicle, a Greyhound bus.
The Gambling Blonde
A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started, and she still could not make a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, “What is going on? Why aren’t you playing?” The blond girl replied, “I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!”
Professional Gambler Screws Everyone in The Bar
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”
The bartender said, “that’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”
The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.
“I’m a professional gambler.” replied the man.
The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?
“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.
“Like what?” asked the bartender.
“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye”, he said.
The bartender thought about it and said “Okay”.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, you screwed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here without a cane. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
Finally, before we end our jokes on gambling blog post, we want to give you a quick tip. The stories are only as good as the person that tells them. Because of that, we recommend you learn from the best in the business. A great example is the comedian and poker player Kevin Heart, combining his playstyle with his comedy skills and storytelling. Therefore, we have included a short video of some of his best tricks on the table, enhanced with his unique sense of humor.
The Gambling Jokes’ Grand Finale
We sincerely hope that this blog post about gambling jokes has been of use to you. We aimed to provide you with some of the best stories and puns on the topic, so you can be prepared for any table and situation. Of course, the humour is never set in stone, and we encourage you to adapt and change the gambling jokes in a way that would best suit your storytelling techniques and style. Good luck and do not forget to have fun!
Frequently Asked Questions
Often times encountering a different sense of humour leave us full of questions. We are absolutely certain that gambling jokes do that as well! Because of that, we have gathered some of the most frequently asked questions about gambling jokes and answered them. We hope that you have enjoyed your stay on our page and that we have been helpful!
